You Must Become the Decision Maker
Growing older is difficult for everyone, but watching parents grow older is an emotional roller coaster. These are the people who took care of you, now you are faced with taking care of them. It's not an easy task. Like you, they want to hold onto their independence. Like you, they can be stubborn. To deal with aging parents, you must learn to be the decision maker, understand their frame of reference, and listen to their complaints. It's the complaints that will clearly indicate what the real issues are.
Instructions
1. Become the decision maker. Sit down and talk with your parents about making you, or someone they trust, their power of attorney for both financial and medical decisions. Then express the need for them to fill out advanced directive forms for end of life, including a living will. Their doctor's office can supply some of the forms. One directive can be put immediately into their files. That is the Do Not Resuscitate directive. Don't push them to sign anything they are uncomfortable with, but urge them to consider end of life directives. Explain the importance, so you or others can make decisions for them medically and financially.
2. Introduce yourself to the doctor. It's important that the children be familiar with their parents' physician. If parents are showing signs of dementia, they are not going to be able to tell their physician. An outside person needs to explain any behavior, mental, and physical changes observed. Go to a doctor's appointment to see how your parents interact with their physician. The elderly sometimes fear people with authority and may not explain all their ailments.
3. Learn about their past and their culture. People who have been through the Great Depression or a war have a different outlook on life. They may be afraid to spend money or fear unfamiliar groups of people. Understanding their frame of reference will help you understand why they act the way they do and understand their belief system. Having this knowledge will eliminate conflicts and disagreements.
4. Listen to the complaints. When a parent complains about being lonely but refuses to be social, there may be an underlying reason. Perhaps a spouse died recently and she feels guilty about going out and having fun. Perhaps she fears that she will get lost or forget interact with others. It's important to listen carefully to find the underlying reasons for sadness, fear, loss of appetite, or other changes in behavior.
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